1. Gillian 5 years ago

    I sometimes wonder who I truly am, you know? And I am frightened that once people find out who I truly am, they will not like me and will shun me. I have done, in recent years, a lot of work around this. It has been, and continues to be, very scary. I have had to do a lot of self-forgiveness. I found out that I really crave to be special. I don’t know why, but I do think it stems back to my childhood, when being special was important to me. My mother told us we were nothing special, that none of us would stand out from a crowd. At the time, it added to my sense of invisibility, of not mattering. Now, I understand that in her own way she was trying to protect us from the pain of life. I am working on just being in the moment, and I don’t have to be special, or stand out, any more. More, I don’t really need to be invisible any more either.
    I have done things I am deeply regret, I have hurt and disappointed people. I have left behind people with whom I felt uncomfortable, but who wanted a sold connection with me that I was unable to give. I have been left behind by people who I wanted a sold connection with but they were unable to give this to me. There are people out there for whom I am a large topic of their psychological sessions. I get that. I have asked for forgiveness. I hope, that at some level they are able to give it to me. I have still a ways to go to forgive myself completely. I think unconditional love is easier than forgiveness. I am doing course after course to try to feel better about myself. I am grateful for the insights and strengths I h ave gained from this course. The mentorship has been wonderful. Its insights, its enlightening. I still have a LONG way to go.

  2. Dakota Walker 5 years ago

    Thank you for this Carol, it means so much. I am so touched that you have shared your journey and vulnerability here with all of us. Aho!

  3. Carol Sloan 5 years ago

    Nothing comes easy in life, well nothing truly worth having – I should know that. I don’t feel sorry for what I have lost because I am so truly grateful for what I have found, even if I can’t honestly tell you who I am because there are large parts of my memory missing. Packing and unpacking boxes I have not been able to do those exercises because I can’t remember what I put into them. How can I truly move forward and step into my power and be the real deal and live the life I would want to live when I don’t know what I have got to work with, how can it be authentic if you can only work with what you can remember? I don’t even know why I am so sad about my stump’s impending “birthday” anymore, I don’t think it is because I have lost a leg, it’s more to do with how they treated me, with a wall of silence, a shrink and a handful of anti-depressants.

    I want to end on a good note, something that shines so brightly it just has to be told. I am so grateful to have landed here on Dakota and Amber’s inbox. A genuine, real, beautifully safe spot to learn how to live and move on from where I was before. I have made friends, real genuine beautiful people who don’t stick labels on you.

    Dakota and Amber there is a smile on my face as I write this because I am so honoured to be here because you are truly beautiful people who reached out and caught me as I began to fall.

    To all of my friends I am grateful and I love you all xxxxx

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