12 Comments
  1. Magik2018 3 years ago

    My biggest trigger is with my mom and her religious beliefs. She keeps saying she has this duty to Bring me to Jesus before she dies so she can see me again after death. I do not have the same belief system as she does and I get very angry when she won’t listen to me. I feel all my life in a lot of areas I am fighting to be heard and that my opinion counts. I am working on forgiveness with my mother and just allowing her to be who she is and continue my spiritual pursuit of who Cathy really is. I believe that there is a reason that life has challenged me this way. I love my mom and am letting go of the outcome of our discussions. It is not up to me to change her as well as it is not up to her to change me.

  2. Cindy Yellow Butterfly 3 years ago

    Abandonment & rejection is still the biggy for me. I liked this exercise as it helped me to look at it and then look at the tools that I do use and the self-love and release that it helps me to achieve. I know that I felt it – but, I don’t think I sat and thought through it and connected it till I did this exercise. Thank you Dakota – you are a gift!

  3. Jackie Derham 3 years ago

    Most things boil down to me of course. I am impatient so when people don’t do things to my time scale I react internally and sometimes verbally. Like not letting me know when they are going to turn up so you are hanging around for them.
    I have very little tolerance to my own failings and regularly beat myself up for these with self berating, eating, depression.
    I have not liked my appearance since birth, born with a sleepy eye and hated the way I looked so confidence issues with how I appear to others, and in later years not looking after myself.
    I have had trouble concentrating on this task and it makes me just want to sleep so avoidance issues.

  4. dminer11 3 years ago

    Very good lesson. I’ve previously done a lot of work in this area. Dakota mapped out the process well. I came to the realization that it was never about the other person or thing only about me. No one can ever hurt me unless I allow it. Boils down to self love all the time. I’ve learned to set boundaries, speak my truth from the heart, and to PAUSE not react. Pausing was the biggest and most valuable for me…sometimes hours…sometimes days yet always the right action for me. It’s amazing how things can look so differently after a pause. You know a tough cut of meat always gets tender when you marinate it.

  5. Cheyanne 3 years ago

    I find myself feeling impatient and annoyed when things don’t go exactly how I pictured them in my mind which sometimes leads to anger and resentment toward that person. It almost always has to do with other people being late and when I want them on MY schedule. I don’t want to feel like this, so where does it come from? I need to be more flexible and go with the flow. I have been working on it though and am getting better.

    I’m excited to explore more of my emotions and to pinpoint exactly why I’m feeling this way

  6. Lee-Ann 3 years ago

    My triggers certainly have changed and I still have work to do on them. I am deciding my happy feelings based on someone else’s response to me and that is unacceptable. I do not need to hear back from them to be happy. But when they don’t respond, it sends me back to the bratty only child who was used to getting her way. I need to let that crap go!

  7. Hana Rainbowdancer 4 years ago

    The most significant triggers for me can be distilled to aggression and violence. Just raising voice and shouting makes me scared, anxious and detached no matter if it is aimed on me or I am just a witness of two strangers arguing on the street, my body starts to shake from within and I start to feel like fainting or collapsing physically. I am overly sensitive to any act of aggression or violence to such an extent that I start to feel physically sick. I can even track some similar reactions with people who have a lot of active dominant energy. I feel intimidated by them and not safe. The second most significant pattern can be distilled to not being good enough, not being heard and seen, being left behind, forgotten, not safe. It is interesting that I do not experience in my life fight or flight response but instead I go almost immediately into „play dead“ response. It feels very symbolic for my whole life – no way to escape, no energy to fight so just getting numb and detached to survive…

  8. lisa 4 years ago

    This was interesting. Challenging day on this front. Lots of triggers. Parents, Partners. What I find now is I get quiet, most unlike the me of the past who was ready to confront, fight and be challenging. I listen and process quietly. Everyone has luggage, a past that comes forward. So different when you try to be in the present and drop past. I’m not in a place where I feel I have to force things and fight. I’m fine stepping back as my truth is not the target of what is coming at me. There is a history there that isn’t me. Parents are another story as there is vigilance and a lot of love. Hard to see some things change, which is a trigger when you walk into the house and it is 85 degrees with the AC on…bat sh!t crazy. And there is a rationalization for everything. It’s very challenging to see parents change. Uncovering those emotions is profound. Trying to act from the real root cause is very hard as it is accepting the change. Much easier to be angry and try to re-teach, but not most productive given the present. I have to think about it in terms of how do I want to leave things each day, on what exchange.

  9. Machell 4 years ago

    Trigger
    I am emotionally triggered by/when: people think and speak for me.
    I usually react with (primary emotion): feeling small
    Other emotions I feel or are birthed from this trigger are: pissed off, not important, unworthiness
    My reaction to this trigger is: silence, withdrawal/ shut down.
    Stepping outside of myself, I can see that this trigger is teaching me to: take my power/voice back
    What age are you reacting from? (Is this your 15-year-old self who isn’t getting her way? Or the 5-year-old who is scared?) 5/6
    What I need most in this situation is: respect, not have others think and speak for me.
    What act of self-love could you do to soothe and release this primary emotion? Alone time in nature.
    Trigger
    I am emotionally triggered by/when: being screamed at
    I usually react with (primary emotion): instant shut down
    Other emotions I feel or are birthed from this trigger are: energy hijacking on a soul level
    My reaction to this trigger is: climb inside /walk away/isolation
    Stepping outside of myself, I can see that this trigger is teaching me to: realize I’m not alone
    What age are you reacting from? (Is this your 15-year-old self who isn’t getting her way? Or the 5-year-old who is scared?) 3/4
    What I need most in this situation is: calm, safe place
    What act of self-love could you do to soothe and release this primary emotion? Take a Tai Chi Class

  10. Hanna Isaksson 4 years ago

    This is a great tool! I am using it every time some feelings are rising that I don’t like or don’t understand. What is hard is to find the primary feeling. It helps to find it throu the secondary feelings sometimes. I have all the questions on my phone in my notes. So it’s easy to access and write down in the moment. I will mark this as complete, but I think I will use this tool as long as I need it.

  11. Heather Thomas 4 years ago

    I was surprised at this one, I have one trigger that comes in different forms but boils down to not being heard. Reactions are different depending on who is not listening. I feel that is all comes from the same incident when i was a kid. My grandmother called me fat, i got pissed and called her out on it. I think I was 11 or 12. No one stood up for me, I was the one who got in trouble. She denied everything and to this day, no one stands up to her, they will admit she said it to them and me many times since. (body image issues for generations) Beyond the comment it was an example of how to live our lives. Not for the better. That incident broke the trust between my mom and myself as well as my grandmother. I just wanted my mom to stand up for me, but i am the care taker of that relationship. She doesn’t know how to stand up for herself let alone me.

  12. Lee-Ann 4 years ago

    This was very interesting to me. I realized that I have very little that actually triggers me at this time. At this point in my life I’m in a perpetual numb state of grief / sadness / isolation. I am coming to the realization that this began in 2003 when my husband passed. Instead of dealing with the emotions then, I focused on helping my mom who was in the beginning stages of dementia. As her illness progressed, and with her passing, somewhere I just morphed into numbness. So far these have been such eye openers for me. I’ve know for awhile I need to get out of this state of mind and I now feel like I’m in the right place and it’s possible. Thank you for these valuable teaching’s.

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