1. dminer11 4 years ago

    I just realized I focus too much on things that I don’t do enough of instead of praising my self for all of the things I do. It’s like I punish myself…I don’t go out and play because I have too many things to do. So I become a workaholic. I have to find more balance. I feel like I’m caught between a rock and a hard place…or like a hamster on a wheel. I hate the cold…and I need to go outside and fix my lawn tractor so I can mow my leaves. I think my belt broke. So then I say work on the SEO ‘s on your web site. If I make more $ I can hire people to do these things. I’ve been going to bed at sunset up before dawn. I need to play a little. Seriously.

  2. Amy 4 years ago

    Anger arose while doing this illumination. I am not whole hardheartedly genuine with people. I am supportive of others, but I do not let people “in.” I was much worse years ago. I thought that had gone away, but I keep internal secrets. I don’t let a part of me out. I don’t share all this stuff that is inside of me. It’s funny, I talk alot, a verbose person, but I do not share or speak.
    For the most part I wish I were more carefree, silly, goofy, lighthearted. I also have envy for the ppl in my life who’ve met their soul mate, who’ve identified their work, who are living their passion.

  3. Valerie 5 years ago

    Watching this couldn’t come on a better time. I am getting better on setting my boundaries on work, friends and familie. The self esteem is something else. Yesterday was the first day since i started the course that i talken with my parents about my vision of what i would love to do. But i am affraid of doing a change at work, because of the finances and my responsability to my children. I use the excuse of that and beeing a single om. Than my dad said why don’t you try to find on a voluntary basis, in your free time, to work more with nature and animals. So you can slowly work to that without beeing scared to take care of your family. So I thought about that. Before I whent to bed I asked my guides in this to show a vision in my dreames. For the first time in my live I dreamed about beeing pregnant, I did’nt know what it ment. So I looked it up and it told me that Some of your personal life and aspects of your live are developing. Birth of new ideas, direction or goals. This is so clear but even now I am scared, so I know I have to work on more believing in myself that I can make it, but this will take a lot of time but I realy whant to succeed. (Sigh) this is a scary part for me.

  4. HillaryBanksSelf 5 years ago

    Like the example you gave, I have extremely poor boundaries with work and my bosses. They have encroached on all my personal time – and now, without calling in sick – I don’t ever feel I have a day to come up for air. Nights, weekends, holidays – even when I was graveside burying my Dad, they were texting me about work. They just don’t care about me personally. I’m seen as “old reliable” – and they seem to know it doesn’t matter the hour, day-or-night – I’ll reply and I’ll get them results. I’ve grown so weary of this. I realize I’m not personally valued – just used. I realize that I’ve forsaken all personal relationships for my career and that this isolation is a result of my personal life choices. I would like to start afresh – with a new type of career – that allows me time to be creative and socialize and volunteer and be a beneficial presence on the planet. For, now, what I’ve realized is I seek validation outside of myself and I want to feel “needed”. I believe this started when I was a child and I’ve grown, now, into a workaholic who keeps hoping I’ll find the fulfillment and the sense of belonging and purpose at work – but, the truth is: I know that’s an empty place to look to be fulfilled. Goodness, I knew the West was my most deficient direction, but I had no idea how painful and deep this work would take me. So much to be “mended”.

  5. Hanna Isaksson 5 years ago

    I also make myself smaller than I am, too make others feel comfortable. Not as much as before, and not in my job anymore, more in private life. And my shadow is definitely that I use my work as an escape from myself and my personal needs. I would like to spend more time with friends, invite them for dinners, go out on concerts etc. But I am so tired during weekends that I just want to be alone (escape behaviour) I don’t have time or energy to let anyone come close. It’s so difficult to break this behaviour. And also very easy to just think that I don’t need these things in my life. I get all of this at work.

    I also really envy creative people. I have tried myself, but I think I always failed because my bad self confidence. Therefore I instead work with creative people, supporting them in there carriers. And I like my job, But I would like to do something for myself.

  6. Christina 5 years ago

    I really resonated with what you said about internalizing. I am working very hard this direction with vocalizing what I know for myself and stating more clearly my boundaries and what I am comfortable with for myself. I am no stranger to shadow work and look forward to this unit. I did my dissertation on the dark night of the soul and often remind myself that the “shadow” is not bad just stuff that is “unseen or unknown”, since I love to learn and am always curious to learn about myself it makes it a more fun process to look at the stuff we think of as dark. I often refer to the dialogue as peeling back the onion or digging through the layers… deeper and deeper we go 🙂

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